There is a much-quoted Chinese
saying. It says: 「天要下雨，娘要嫁人。」.
It carries the meaning that when
something is going to happen, it will happen anyway. You can do nothing about it. Just like when it is going to rain, or when
your mother is going to get you a step-father. (Some people interpret the second half of the
quote as when a young lady is going to get married instead of when a mother is
going to get married. They think that it
would make more sense as it was not really common or natural for mothers to get
married again in the old days. Well, you
can say that the quote implies no matter something is natural or strange, if it
is going to happen, one can still do nothing about it. Anyway, the passive and helpless meaning
remains the same.)
Recently I hear this quote very
often. I hate this quote. I hate this quote to the extent that I get
agitated when I hear it. Having gone
through so much (or rather, so little) about psychology, mindfulness and
Buddhist teachings, I try to analyze. When
I look into my emotion, I feel quite strange about it. I am now practicing to be kind rather than to
be right. I learn this from Pat Peoples
of The Silver Linings Playbook, hoping to have Jennifer Lawrence as the
end result. Moreover, although I am not
to the extent of having negativistic personality disorder, I am most likely to
be a Five in the Enneagram system of personality typing. Learned helplessness is the central theme. It should be me who is talking about “天要下雨，娘要嫁人; you
can do nothing about it” and then get others agitated. I should have jumped out and echoed with those
who spelled out my motto. How come the oppposite
happens? No, it is not self-denial. I am confused.
The answer dawned on me one rainy
day when I was at a meeting. While the quote
was mentioned again (and again), I received the Amber rainstorm warning signal
from my smart phone. I thought I was
sudden enlightened. The reason for my
rage was that there existed a difference between an individual and an
association. I could not tolerate a type
Five association. If learned
helplessness was to dominate, why would we waste time in meetings? How was the association to answer to its
members? Why should the association
exist? When it is going to rain, the
Hong Kong Observatory realizes that there are risks associated with heavy rain.
It has developed the rainstorm warning
signal system to predict and to alert the citizens of the rainstorms. The system is widely promulgated and there are
user-friendly applications for quick and wide information dissemination. Citizens even do not need to go to work when
the Black signal is hoisted. So, there
are many things an association can do when it is going to rain.
But wait! Before we go into those
harm-reduction actions, are we talking about raining? Except some national actions to manipulate the
weather with missiles, there is not much an association can do to stop raining.
However, there might be something that
can be done when mother is going to marry someone (else). I do read in novels that it is not uncommon
for mothers to consult their sons and daughters before they plan to formalize
their relations. As for young ladies
getting married, in the old TV series The
Bund (Shanghai Tien), Hui Man Keung chose to interrupt the wedding ceremony
of Fung Ching Ching.
It might be futile to stop
something natural from happening. However,
policy of an authority, such as the Hospital Authority, is never something
natural. For example, I do not believe
that we can do nothing to stop the Hospital Authority from launching a new
programme, or we can do nothing to change an existing policy of the Hospital
Authority. If we identify that something
dangerous is going to happen, we need to stand firm and fight against it. We might not succeed, but our stance should be
clear and firm. We might fail, but we
should have issued the warning signal and have contingency planning.
「天要下雨，娘要嫁人。」is not the worst quote. There is often another saying to go with it. It is: “If you can’t beat them, join them.” When big principles are involved, these two
quotes are not options. An association
cannot and should not defeat itself by classifying light-heartedly everything
to be natural and unbeatable. Members
cannot afford to be sold by the association whom decides to join the fathomed
unbeatable counterpart and counts money for it.
Recalling that I am now
practicing to be kind rather than to be right, I should not be furious about
others’ behaviors whatever the intention behind, be it self-interest or for the
good of the majority. However, please be
diligent and innovative enough to bluff me with theories and analysis of pros
and cons. Don’t tell me that an
association can do nothing when it’s gonna rain.
(Source: HKMA News April 2013)
