Out Of Focus

It was too hot.  My mind could not function.  Things, events and concepts became out of focus.  It was just like wearing the wrong pair of glasses from your super-myopic-and-ugly classmate in high school.  No matter how hard you strained your eye muscles, or strained my neurons, I could only figure out blurred images.  I could barely distinguish a deer from a horse, provided that they were near enough, and not in any disguise.   

I did not know how long this condition would last.  I told myself, that summer would go away, followed by winter.  This was the weather of Hong Kong, the old Hong Kong we knew.  The old Hong Kong we studied in high school geography.  After a few months, it would not be equally hot.  My mind would clear up then.  I told myself, repeatedly.

At the back of my out-of-focus mind was my presbyopia.  It did not get better after several summers.  It only got worse month by month.  Suppressing the memories of the good old days when I painted at ease the moustache of a 1:72 soldier, I got a pair of reading glasses.  I wore shirts more often so that I could keep and retrieve the glasses at the breast pocket more conveniently.  I gave up paper-backs and got a kindle.  It was a reading device without back-lit.  It strained the eyes less.  Most importantly, the fonts could be adjusted to an unbelievably large size.  I had to live with it.  I have to live with the presbyopia.

While there were well documentation and statistics for reflective errors, I did not think there was any formal measurement and study on blurring of mind.  I had estimated that in my 25 years’ practice, I should have seen around 100,000 patients and relatives in more than 300,000 consultations.  It was quite alarming that I had an impression that a significant proportion of them got blurred minds.  Of course there was no objective measurement.  And it was not fair to assess them when they were physically sick and mentally preoccupied by their illnesses.  So I just quote some examples and readers could try to figure out what I meant.  A university student applied some cream of unknown ingredient and unknown origin to his finger with cellulitis and was quite curious why the condition got worse.  A financial consultant tried 4 years, in vain, to control his sky high cholesterol level with various methods he learnt from discussion forum.  A teacher refused to give antibiotics to her daughter with scarlet fever because she knew that antibiotics were not good.  A businessman refused to take antihypertensive medicine because he was sure that once started, treatment could not be stopped.  A shop manager, agreed with her insurance agent, thought that it was the duty of doctors to find out some means for her to claim insurance for accidental injury that she did not suffer.  An accountant educated me that it was patients’ rights to have regular sick leave 2 days per month.  A barrister was offended because I charged her consultation fee for writing a referral letter.

I planned to go on and filled the whole page with examples.  It was so reassuring that I was not the lone ranger here.  Out of focus, I saw no difference in the survey results between those supported and those voted against the Government Proposals for Selecting the Chief Executive by Universal Suffrage.  Afterall, when this Editorial reaches our members, the outcome would have been determined.  Frankly, how many people know exactly the details of the Proposals?  How many people can elucidate the pros and cons hidden between the lines?  I agreed totally with the tycoons that most people in Hong Kong cared more about earning money than who was going to be the next Chief Executive.

Nonetheless, how come nearly 7,000 members responded to our survey?  How come tens of thousands of citizens made history by staying on the street for 80 days?  How come students stood firm against police batons?  How come people took all the trouble, risking being charged criminally, to nail the state-of-art banner on the Lion Rock Hill?  I did not know the answer.  I do not know the answer.  And I will not know the answer.  With clouded mind, I tried to make a guess.  It was not because of the Basic Law.  It was not about the 831 decision.  It was not about the Proposals.  It was all about the way it was handled.  In the battle between David and Goliath the giant, if Goliath repeatedly hit below David’s belt, what would happen?

The weather is still hot.  My mind is still out of focus.  Politics are difficult to understand and taboos to write on.  It must be the weather that caused my mind to drift to the survey and the Chief Executive Election.  It must be the weather that caused me to write on this topic.  Or, is it now the only moment that my mind is clear enough to see the real nature of my all-along-clouded mind?

(Source: HKMA News June 2015)